The Problem with “Getting Healthy”
Have you ever found yourself saying to someone “I really need to get healthy” or “This year my family is finally going to start eating healthy”?
I hear this a lot from clients, as well as family and friends, and it always causes my spidey senses to tingle a bit.
It is not that wanting to be healthy is an inherently bad goal, who doesn’t want to eat better? I’s what people mean when they say it that I like to get curious about.
So, what do we usually mean when we say that our goal is to “get healthy”?
First it implies that health is an end goal. This type of thinking sets us up for failure, because we are shooting for a mysterious end goal without a plan to actual get there. I mean, at want point can we say that we are finally “healthy”? Are we allowed to accept ourselves until we reach this point, or are supposed to feel ashamed for being “unhealthy” in the mean time?
In reality, health is not an end goal. I have never once woken up in the morning and thought, “I’ve made it. Now, I am healthy!” and you probably haven’t either! It’s not because either of us or failures or slackers or unhealthy. It’s simply because health is an ever-evolving, individualized journey for each of us.
Second, “getting healthy” implies that there are two states: healthy and unhealthy and we must fall into one or the other. This also sets us up to fail, because anytime we do something “unhealthy”, we tend characterize ourselves as unhealthy (not just the action) and are more likely to shame ourselves and give up on our health goals. I bet you can think of a time when you have fallen off the health wagon and either beat yourself up about it or threw in the towel altogether. I know I have.
This is a type of thinking trap psychologists refer to as dichotomous (or all-or-nothing) thinking. Dichotomous thinking is associated with eating disordered behavior and weight gain. It’s also associated with depression and anxiety. Thus, it’s no surprise that it isn’t useful in helping us reach our health goals long-term. It also isn’t something we want to teach our kiddos to do, for obvious reasons.
Third, this goal is not specific and there are no measurable outcomes. We psychologist love a good specific and measurable goal - sometimes to our client’s misery! By creating measurable goals we are able to know when a system is or isn’t working for us. It gives us data to work with and can allows us to see the progress we are making in reaching our goals. Here is want the difference looks like:
“I want to get healthy” (not measurable)
“I want to be able to walk the neighborhood with my kids without feeling winded” (measurable)
“I want my family to eat better” (not measurable)
“I want my family to eat fruits and vegetables every day” (measurable)
Some goals may be difficult to measure, but can still be specific:
“I want my kids to be good eaters” (not specific)
“I want to teach my kids to understand nutrition and how foods help fuel their bodies” (specific)
“I want to like my body” (not specific)
“I want look in the mirror and not have negative thoughts about my size” (specific)
At the end of the day, you get to decide what being healthy looks like to you.
Heck, you even get to decide if this is still language you want to use in your life. We are all busy and overstretched, trying our best to figure out how to make the choices that feel right for our families. If “getting healthy” is just another thing on your to-do list that is causing you shame, I encourage you to Let. That. Mess. Go. If you want to create attainable wellbeing goals that help you to actually feel better (without the self-judgment), reach out for more information about my Health and Wellbeing Program.
And next time you go to tell a friend that you want to “get healthy”, I encourage you to remember:
1) Health is not an end goal.
2) Health doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing.
3) Is “getting healthy” really my goal or is there something I need to explore here?
If you need help getting started on alternate goals, here are a list of ideas to work from:
To have more energy.
Decrease your heart burn or indigestion.
Improve your mood.
Improve your self image.
Enjoy cooking.
Enjoy family meals.
Teach your children to like their bodies.
Feed your families nutrient dense foods.
Role model self-love to your kids.
