Can Therapy Improve Self-Esteem?
If you or your teenager is struggling with self-esteem or self-worth, then you may have considered therapy to help. But, can therapy help? And, if so, how? In this blog post I will explain what self-esteem is and what to expect from therapy.
Self-Esteem Explained by a Clinical Psychologist
Broadly, self-esteem encompasses how confident a person is in their abilities or worth. It is related to self-acceptance and self-trust.
Adolescents and young adults are the most likely age group to suffer from low self-esteem.
Self-esteem tends peak in mid-late adulthood, but life stressors can greatly impact a person’s self-esteem. For example, adults who experienced a difficult, stressful, or traumatic childhood may have a harder time developing solid self-esteem.
People who have experienced a big life stressor, such as the loss of a job, a layoff, a divorce, or mental or physical health challenge may also notice an impact to their self-esteem.
Individuals who have experienced discrimination, rejection, or stigma because of their identity, such as folks from the LGBTQI community, may also have a harder time rebuilding their self-esteem.
Adolescents and Young Adults
Adolescents tend to fall in tot he comparison trap as part of their growing need to be accepted by their peer group. Regardless of whether it is true or not, they often view themselves as not good enough compared to their peers, even if they don’t give voice to these thoughts.
Teens’ self-esteem can also be impacted by bullying or harassment at school - or, increasingly, online through social media apps.
Self-acceptance, which impacts a person’s self-worth, tends be lower during this age range as well.
Situational Versus Trait
A person can also experience low self-esteem in specific areas life (situational).
For example, a new mom lacking support may have low self-esteem in her abilities to care for her infant although she has no concerns about her abilities at work, or a teenager with a learning disability may find that she has low self-esteem in the classroom even though she is confident on the basketball court.
Alternatively, low trait self-esteem impacts many different areas of one’s life (home, work, school, appearance).
Low Self-Esteem Causes Suffering and Impairment
Some people think low self-esteem is no big deal. This is anything but true.
Low self-esteem can lead to depression and anxiety. It can cause someone to second guess their worth as a friend or family member causing them to withdraw from social activities. It can keep qualified and talented people from taking academic or employment risks for fear of failure.
Low self-esteem tends to be a vicious cycle, where a person chooses not to take a risk or opportunity because they do not believe they are good enough, and then because they do not put themselves out there, they keep believing they are not good enough.
How to Break the Cycle: Therapy for Self-Esteem
There are a lot of things that seem to boost self-esteem in the short term. For example, getting a new haircut, being promoted, getting in a new relationship can appear to boost their self-esteem. But these effects do not last. It is why people with low self-esteem may find themselves chasing short-term self-esteem boosts, spending time and money on things (online shopping, makeovers, expensive status symbols) that are not serving them and may be causing them to drain their bank account.
Therapy, on the other hand, is about making meaningful transformations that will lead to long-term change.
This process will look different for everyone, but generally starts with an assessment to determine the areas of low self-esteem, the root of the problem, and the thoughts and behaviors that are contributing or maintaining the problem.
Working with an experienced therapist can help a person understand where their low self-esteem comes from and why it is sticking around. Once this is understood, then a therapist can help guide a person in targeting the thoughts and behaviors that are keeping them stuck and identifying ways to improve self-esteem in the long-term. This often includes learning about people-pleasing and boundary setting, amongst others.
Getting Unstuck
At the end of the day, someone with low self-esteem is stuck. Therapy can provide the support they need to get unstuck, to be confident in who they are, to learn to trust in themselves again. If this is you or your child, feel free to reach out to me to learn more about how therapy can help.
